


Gettin' Lucky

by exonomics



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-09-09
Packaged: 2018-08-14 03:11:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7996438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exonomics/pseuds/exonomics
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Kris needs to get laid, and Lu Han's determined to find him a willing participant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My legacy, apparently. Such a delight to write. Originally finished August 4, 2013.

### Lu Han's Plan to Get Kris Some Action

 

“You need to get laid.”

Kris chokes on his coffee, the burning fluid threatening to come out of his nose has he coughs up what he just swallowed. He’s gasping for breath and his eyes are watering when he looks up at Lu Han sitting across the table.

“ _What?!”_ Kris wheezes, reaching for a napkin to clean up the mess he made on himself. 

Lu Han daintily picks up his cup with two hands, nonchalantly looking out the window of the coffee shop. “You need to get laid,” he repeats, his tone as casual and disinterested as before. You would swear he was talking about the weather and not about Kris’ apparently non-existent sex life. 

Now call him old fashioned, but Kris’ pretty sure you don’t suggest a person get laid when you first meet them. Maybe comment about their personal life, if they are currently on the market or seeing anyone, but you certainly don’t introduce yourself to someone and then come out with “oh hey by the way you should go fuck someone.” Especially if said person happens to be your Physics Lab partner for the semester. Society just doesn’t work like that.

Kris wipes his mouth, still coughing up his coffee. “Um-I...B-but I.. _No_ ,” is the best comeback he can think of, because really what else is he going to say to the blonde sitting across from him?

Said blonde turns his attention back to Kris, blowing on his coffee ( _large skim latté, extra foam, extra shot, splash of cream and could you also put in a dash of cinnamon while you’re a it_?) before taking a sip. His eyes lock with Kris’ as his tongue laps up some foam off his top lip. “Trust me, Kris. You need to get laid.”

“Why the fuck would you think that?” he shot back, raising an eyebrow.

“You’ve been staring at the back of your ex-boyfriend’s head for the past fifteen minutes looking like an abused puppy.”

Oh. 

Kris looks back over Lu Han’s shoulder. Sure enough, there is Tao, sitting at a table across from another guy. Another good-looking guy. Who was currently smiling at his ex-boyfriend.  Who then was laughing back. And that bothers Kris. A lot.

“As I said,”Lu Han says, eyes rolling at Kris who was shooting daggers at the poor boy sitting across from Tao. “You need to find someone to fuck.” 

The guy across from Tao was speaking in Korean. What the fuck? Tao didn’t know Korean, only basic phrases and whatnot. Why would that kid be speaking in Korean if Tao didn’t understand? Kris can speak in Korean. He can speak four fucking languages for fuck’s sake, and he-

_OH MY GOD WHAT IF HE BROKE UP WITH ME BECAUSE I DIDN’T SPEAK KOREAN AROUND HIM AND NOW HE’S WITH SOME KOREAN KID TO GET BACK AT ME AND-_

“Dipshit stop eye raping the poor kid. You’re embarrassing me.” 

Kris’ gaze moves from the Tao’s new friend toLu Han, still glaring. “That’s another thing. I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU. Why are you talking to me like we’re-“

“Kris, we’ve had class together since freshman year. I live across the hall from you. We played _soccer_ together. I know who the fuck you are.”

Oh.

Lu Han rolls his eyes again and takes another sip of his coffee. “Granted, you were usually too busy making out with you current ex to notice anyone else around you-“ another sip “-but really. Three years of soccer, Kris. _Three._ ”

Oh. 

Kris groans and slumps over the wooden table, head in his arms. He fucked up, to put it lightly. 

For the past two years, Kris had been dating Huang Zitao, a dark, handsome, flawless motherfucker three years his junior. They were perfect together; two good looking people in a good looking relationship, spending time together, throwing out gushy pet names and all that cheesy shit.  Everywhere they went it was “Kris and Tao”, never one without the other, always by each other’s side, destined to be together forever. 

Until a week ago when Tao decided to break up with him. 

There was no warning, no hints, no nothing. Things seemed to have been fine, just another day in the life of Kris, when Tao asked him to meet at their usual hangout spot, the coffee house down the street of their university. And that’s when it happened:

 

                                   Tao: ( _looks up from coffee, and towards partner_ ) I think we should break up.

                                   Kris: ( _Looks at man across from him, waiting for the punch line. Gets none.  Opens mouth, voice emotionless_ ) Oh…okay.

                                   Tao: _(shocked at partner’s composure_ ) Oh…okay then. Well…see you…I guess...( _gets up and walks away_ )

                                   Kris: ( _sits at table wondering what the fuck just happened_ )

 

And so, here they were; Tao sitting with some stoned looking kid from Korea while Kris wallows in his misery across the café.

“I didn’t even _do_ anything!” Kris whines to no one in particular.Lu Han, though, obviously doesn’t understand rhetorical statements.

“You probably did if he dropped you like a hot pan,” he retorts, taking the last sip of his coffee. “I bet he dumped you for that kid he’s sitting with. He’s obviously packing in more than you.”

“He’s what?” Kris asks, not understanding.

Lu Han raises his eyebrow in amusement. “Have you seen the kid? Lucky bastard can’t walk straight without having to re-adjust his boys.”

“I’m not following.”

“Kid’s got a big dick, he’s obviously packing more than you, and I bet the rest of your latté that is the reason Tao broke up with you.”Lu Han eyes Kris’ near full cup.

Kris doesn’t know whether to be offended byLu Han’s assumption that the Korean kid is bigger than him, or freaked out that Lu Han has enough knowledge to make that assumption. But when the kid stands up and walks past them to get to the trashcan,Lu Han takes one look at him before snatching the latté from Kris’ hands. The former almost squeals in delight.

Kris makes a mental note not to wear skinny jeans around Lu Han anymore. 

“Anyway,” Lu Han continues, “Since your ex moved on, it’s time you did. Hence, why you need to go find another guy to fuck.”

Kris leans back in his chair. “How do you know I haven’t moved on?”

“It’s the fifth time in a row you wore that shirt to class.” 

Oh.

Lu Han takes one last lick off the foam on his lips before standing up. “Well, I’d say today was productive,” he looks at Kris, eyes full of mischief and something else Kris can’t place. “Same time tomorrow? We might actually have to do some work for that lab report.”

He walks away before Kris can even give him an answer or ask for his fucking latté back.

 

 

_________________________________

 

 

 

“I found someone for you!” Lu Han says happily, sliding into the seat across from Kris. 

Kris looks up from his physics notebook. “What?” he asks, glasses slipping off his face.

“I found someone for you to fuck!” 

Kris drops his pencil as he lunges across the table, hands clamping over Lu Han’s mouth, but it doesn’t stop the handful of students sitting around the two seniors to look questionably at the elder.  One guy even chokes on his beverage at the blonde’s outburst.

“YOU CAN’T JUST GO AROUND SCREAMING TO THE FUCKING STUDENT BODY ABOUT FUCKING SOMEONE,” he hisses through his teeth, “NORMAL PEOPLE DON’T DO THAT.”

“Mmphmph Mmmhp,” is the answer, the blonde rolling his eyes.

Kris glares at him across from him. “I swear to fucking God, Lu Han I will never take you here anymore if you yell like that again.” Lu Han sighs and rolls his eyes again, but dramatically crosses over his heart as a promise. Kris slowly retracts his hand.

“God, your such a fucking drama queen,” Lu Han whines, eyeing the cup of coffee in front of Kris. Kris protectively wraps his hand around his latté. 

“I’m sorry if I don’t want the whole café the know about my sex life that I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT.” He glares at Lu Han. “I never agreed to finding someone else to get over Tao.” Ouch, it still hurt saying his name.

Lu Han, still eyeing the coffee, snorts. “You never would. So I took the liberty of finding someone for you myself. And I did,” he looks up at Kris, eyes devious and dangerous. “My roommate, Yixing.”

Kris nearly falls out of his chair. “ _Yixing_? Like _Zhang Yixing_? You’ve got to be shitting me.”

Lu Han frowns. “No, I’m not shitting you. What’s wrong with Yixing?”

Nothing, to be honest. Kris has known Yixing for a while. He was on their soccer team, and he and Kris had a few classes together. As far as Kris knew, Yixing was a nice guy, certainly not the type to say yes to a random hookup. Especially with a guy he barely even knew. 

But then again, Lu Han can be very convincing.

Speaking of the devil, he is still waiting for an answer.

“How the hell did you convince someone like _Yixing_ to sleep with me?” 

Lu Han shrugs. “It wasn’t too hard. He’s been out of a relationship for a while now, so he’s looking for some action… though he expects a date first,” he adds at end, like it would make the whole situation better. 

“Lu Han, I’m not sleeping with Yixing. I barely know the guy-“ 

“Three years of soccer, Kris.”

“-It doesn’t matter!” Kris yells, probably a bit too loud for the small café. The guy who choked on his beverage earlier does so again. Kris sighs and puts his head into his hands. “Oh my god, why is this happening to _me?_ ”

He hears a seat being shoved away from the table. He looks up. Lu Han is furiously writing something down on a pad of paper, muttering to himself “mumblemumble jackass mumble the things I do mumblemumblemumble.” He throws the pad at Kris’ head as a goodbye, stomping out of the café with a pout on his face.

Kris looks down at the pad. “Yixing’s fucking phone number for when you decide not to be a pussy.” The digits are scribbled underneath. Kris has half a mind to throw the pad out, half a mind to run after Luhan and throw it at his head in return. Either way, he picks up the pad and is about to get up from his seat, when a bell sounds. Kris looks up and sees Tao walking into the café, the boy he was with yesterday following in after. Kris silently watches as the two make their way to the counter, Tao leaning over to speak in the shorter’s ear, arm wrapping around his waist, lips moving against his skin, body leaning towards the other.

Kris doesn’t make it outside before he starts calling. 

“…Yixing? Hey it’s Kris…Yeah, what are you doing later tonight…”

 

 

 

_________________________________

 

 

           

Kris nearly falls out of his chair when a thick textbook slams onto the table.    

“What the _fuck_ happened last night?” Lu Han demands, tossing his backpack onto the seat next to him. Kris groans, rubbing his head. It’s way to early in the fucking morning to deal with Lu Han. He had been hoping for some peace and quiet while he worked on his part of the lab report (which was due tomorrow) and not have to deal with the Wrath of Lu Han. Fate had other plans.

“Yixing came back to the room at 10:04. So unless you two fucked in last row of the theater, there was no fucking at all.” His eyes narrowed, waiting for a response.

Not that Kris had any.

To be honest, it went exactly how Kris thought it would. He had met Yixing outside of the coffee shop at 7:30, to catch a movie at 8. They walked down to the bus stop, mindlessly chatting about school, their upcoming soccer season (which Kris promptly apologized for not remembering Yixing had been the team’s defensive wing) and the Spawn of Satan himself (Yixing says Lu Han is not as bad after he’s had his coffee fill). By the time the two arrived at the theater, Kris’ assumption about Yixing was right; he was a nice guy: funny, somewhat quiet, but always smiling. As they took their seats in the last few rows of the theater, Kris was actually thinking this was a good idea.

Until he felt Yixing’s hand slid up his thigh halfway through the movie.

“Jackass, you’re staring off into space again!” Lu Han snaps his fingers in front of Kris’ face, the younger jumping in surprise.  “Tell me what happened!”

Kris glares at the blonde, hands swatting at Lu Han’s fingers to get away from his face. “What do you want me to fucking tell you? We went to see a movie, we both went home, and that’s it.”

“Ok, let me rephrase. What _didn’t_ happen?" 

Kris leans back in his chair, groaning up to ceiling of the café. “Lu Han, why do you _care_?” 

Said boy frowns. “Because it was a full proof plan to get you laid and somehow you fucked it up.”

“I’m sorry if I wasn’t expecting a _fucking handjob_ in the middle of a _public theater-"_

“It was a rated-R movie, nothing they never saw before.” 

“Yeah but it was nothing I- “ Kris stops himself, hand physically clamping over his mouth. But it’s too late: Lu Han’s eyes go wide, his mouth twisting into knowing smirk.

“Oh my god-“ 

“Lu Han no-"

“I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU WERE A PRUDE.“ Lu Han half shrieks, one finger pointing accusingly at his companion, who turns red.

“I AM NOT!” Kris retorts, but the flush on his face says otherwise. Lu Han takes one look at Kris before he stands up.

“I’m gonna need coffee for this.”

 

  

 


	2. Chapter 2

### Lu Han's New Plan to Get Kris Some Action

 

 

“Okay, so let me get this straight, “ Lu Han takes a gulp of his coffee ( _Large Mocha latté, two packets of sugar, one cup of cream, an extra shot of caffeine and a dash of cocoa, thanks you’re a doll_ ) and licks his lips. “You dated Tao for three years.”

Kris, with his head in his arms, grunts in reply.

“And in those three years you never got past first base.”

Kris looks up at this. “No, I told you we almost got to second- “

“ _Almost_ isn’t getting there, idiot.”

“I had my hand under his shirt!”

“Yeah, but then you somehow fucked it up and you never tried again. That doesn’t count.” Lu Han begins to shake, and Kris raises an eyebrow, wondering what the fuck he’s doing now. But that only lasts a second until Kris realizes the blonde’s trying not to laugh at him.

“I hate you,” is Kris’ response.

Lu Han takes a sip of his coffee. “I love you too, _yeobo_.” He winks over at Kris, who gurgles back instead of throwing out a comeback. “Though I’m going to have to rethink my strategy to get you laid if you’re going to ruin every possible sexual encounter you come across.” Lu Han’s face is completely serious as he speaks, leaving Kris gurgling again as he tries to find his words.

“I-I do not!” He eventually gets out.

“What about last night? You had the perfect opportunity to ask Yixing back to your dorm and you didn’t. You wasted a perfectly good fuck.” Lu Han’s whining reminds Kris of a kindergartener. A very bratty kindergartener.

Kris sighs and rolls his head back. “Inviting Yixing back to my dorm was the original plan…”

Lu Han takes a gulp of his coffee, eyeing the younger. “So you chickened out because he tried to get it on in the theater?” He snorts at his own comment. “You’re more of a prude than I thought.”

Kris sighs again, wondering how many sugar packets he would have to inhale before suffocating to death.

To be honest, Yixing really didn’t _try_ to get it on during the movie. He had just placed his hand on Kris’ thigh, gently caressing the other when the movie got to a particularly slow point. Of course, Kris hadn’t been expecting it, so naturally he almost jumped out of his seat onto the elder woman next to him in surprise. The woman, who despite scolding him for his behavior, looked a little more than pleased at having attractive young man like himself rubbing up against her.

Yixing, on the other hand, had his hand over his mouth, trying not to burst out into laughter. Kris began to wonder what he had done in his past life to make him deserve this. 

After the movie had ended, and a particularly awkward drive home on the bus, the two made it back to campus right before 10. It had all gone downhill from there:

 

Yixing: ( _walks out off of bus, stretches._ _A fair amount of skin is shown on stomach_ ) Well, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. There were some good laughs. ( _looks over to date_ ) So, your place then? I don’t know what time Lu Han will be back, but it’ll probably be later on tonight-

Kris: ( _gurgles incoherently before speaking fast, as if in a rush_ ) Yixing, look I’m really sorry but I don’t want to sleep with you, I mean, it’s not you it’s just Lu Han set me up with this and I feel really stupid going through with it and I’m sorry to lead you on and asking you out but I really can’t go through with this and fuck I sound like an asshole but I just broke up with my ex and I still kind of hurt and I don’t think I can-

Yixing: ( _bursts out laughing_ ) Kris, it’s fine. I understand. ( _smiles at elder_ ) I had fun, but if you don’t want to go through with this, that’s fine. ( _steps towards companion_ , _mischief in eyes)_ But if you change your mind…let me know. ( _winks before walking towards dorm_ )

Kris: ( _Stands in front of campus with mouth open wondering what the fuck just happened_ )

 

 

“….and that’s it.” Kris finishes, waving his hands in a fanfare. “I told Yixing I was still hurt from Tao, and he left it at that.”

Lu Han hums in response, resting his head in one hand as the other tapped on the table. “Sounds more like you were making excuses to get out of fucking Yixing...”  he trails off, seemingly in thought. Kris takes this moment of silence to turn back to his lab report that’s _still due tomorrow_.

After a few moments of silence, Kris looks back at Lu Han, deciding that the quietness between them was more bothersome than anything. He wishes he hadn’t.

Kris watches in silent horror as Lu Han’s mouth twists into an enormous and wolfish grin, eyes bright and full of evil intentions that can only mean-

“Lu Han, whoever you’re thinking, I swear to God-“ 

“Kim Joonmyeon.”

_Not the student body president._

 

 

____________________________________

 

 

 

 

So he’s just sitting there, across the café, nose in a book, glasses sitting on the edge of his nose, light brown hair messily curing on his forehead, blue polo shirt neatly pressed and without a wrinkle. Occasionally he will flip a page in his book, a smile appearing on in thin lips if what is read is amusing to him and-

“Holy fuck I can’t do this.”

Kris feels a slap upside his head, knocking him so hard his teeth grind together.  “ _Shit Lu Han that hurt_ ,” he hisses.

“If you stop being a pussy I wouldn’t have to resort to violence!” the blonde hisses back. He looks back over to Joonmyeon, blowing a piece his hair on his forehead in exasperation. “I can’t believe you’re freaking out about going up and talking to him.”

Kris glares at Lu Han. “Sorry if I’m not comfortable walking up to someone and asking them to hook up with me.”

“You did that for Yixing.” Lu Han points out.

“No shit, because one-“ he holds up one finger to Lu Han’s face, “you set that up for me, and two-“ he holds up another, “that was over the phone. I didn’t need to look him in the eyes while I asked him if he wanted fuck.” He shakes his head and sighs, looking back over the poor, innocent bastard that would soon be traumatized by a six-foot social dud. Kris hoped he had a good therapist.

 Lu Han, on the other end, saw no reason for Kris’ apprehensive behavior. “Well, obviously you’re not going to ask him to fuck, you need to ask the guy out first before you get there. Have you never learned hook-up etiquette?”

“Apparently I’ve been learning wrong if I thought that random hook-ups were kind of taboo. 

“Well, that’s why you have me,” Lu Han smiles, giving Kris a flirty wink before settling back in his chair, seeming pleased as Kris gurgles in response. “And since this conversation is getting you nowhere…” Lu Han looks past Kris’ shoulders. “Joonmyeon-ssi!”

Oh fuck. 

Before Kris has time to dive under the table and/or strangle the man across from him, he hears a tiny sound of acknowledgement coming from behind him. “O-oh hello Lu Han! How are you?” asks the polite, soft voice of the Dean’s List Scholar and Student Body President Kim Joonmyeon. Kris can’t force himself to look at him. Lu Han, who is either happy to see Joonmyeon respond to him or watching Kris suffer (probably the latter) smiles.  “I’m fine, thank you! Why don’t you come over here for a second? Kris needs to talk to you for a moment.”

Oh FUCK. 

Kris is really going to punch Lu Han this time, and even begins balling his fist, but senses the presence (and smells the cologne) of their newest guest at the table. Kris can’t take it upon himself to look up at the boy, and settles for staring at a coffee stain on the table.

“How are you, Joonmyeon-ssi?” Lu Han practically purrs to the youngest.  Kris feels Joonmyeon stiffen next to him, obviously falling for Lu Han’s alluring manners (not that Kris would know anything about that). Kris takes a kick from underneath the table, courtesy of Lu Han, as a sign to acknowledge their new guest. He looks over his shoulder; Joonmyeon is still wearing his glasses, and wow he is far more attractive than Kris thought, what happened to the awkward Joonmyeon from freshmen year?

“F-fine, thank you…” Joonmyeon answers, his voice trailing off and Kris realizes from the way Joonmyeon is looking at him that he needs to say something now.

He comes out with: “Uh…urg-um….hi.”

He practically hears Lu Han’s mental face-palm.

Joonmyeon however giggles, yes giggles, and sends a flawless smile down Kris’ way. “Hi to you, too. How have you been?”

Kris somehow manages to answer him with a normal, human sentence, feeling slightly more confident about this whole ordeal.  That is until he hears a phone ring and nearly jumps out of his chair into Joonmyeon’s arms. 

“ _What the fu-_ “

“Oh, Yixing, how funny, I was just talking about you!” Lu Han practically squeals over the phone, a little too happy and animated for just getting a call from his roommate. Kris raises an eyebrow at the blonde’s overemotional response. “Uh-hu, right now? No problem! See you then!” Lu Han shoves his phone into his pocket while standing up. “Sorry to run, but Yixing needs me to help with his Physics lab and I already promised I would-“ what the fuck? Lu Han never helped Kris on when it came to THEIR OWN FUCKING LAB REPORT. “-so sorry I couldn’t stay longer.” 

He grabs a cup of coffee on the table before turning to Joonmyeon. “Nice to talk to you Joonmyeon, I hope to see you again soon!”

Joonmyeon smiles back, his cheeks reddinging from the amount of attention Lu Han has been giving him. “Sure thing, Lu Han…um…tell Yixing I said…hi?” Kris sees a flash of emotion wash over Lu Han’s face, almost as if he’s puzzled. But it’s quickly wiped away, Lu Han’s flawless smile back on. “Oh course I will! See you!” He turns on his heels and leaves, leaving Kris fluster and a little pissed because he didn’t get a goodbye, what the fuck?

Then he realizes Lu Han took his coffee with him.

“That sneaky bastard,” Kris hisses, making a mental note to put salt in his next cup. He would like to see Lu Han’s face when he took a sip, which would be good enough to pay to see- 

A giggle to his right reminds Kris that he is not alone.

“Lu Han’s always been like this. It’s nothing new.” Another chuckles escapes from Joonmyeon before he turns to Kris. “So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?” 

Oh fuck.

 

 

___________________________________

 

 

Lu Han is already laughing at their usual table when Kris enters the café the next night. “So, I guess things didn’t go well?” Lu Han barely lets out, as he gasps for breath, fist pounding on the table. Kris doesn’t think this is funny.  Neither do the students around them, who keep looking at the blonde wondering what kind of drug he must be on to be laughing like a madman at 8:04 PM on a Tuesday.

“Fuck you, Lu Han-“

“You really couldn’t if you tried!” Lu Han begins to laugh harder, and Kris has half a mind to get up and leave now, because they have yet _another_ lab report due the next morning and he _still_ hasn’t started it yet and he _really_ doesn’t want to deal with Lu Han’s shit this late.

But the blonde, in his fit of laughter, shoves a cup of coffee into his hands and Kris decides he can stay a little longer.

“Okay, okay-“ Lu Han wipes his eyes, small tears forming at the corners from his laughing, “-alright, let’s hear it. How did you fuck this one up?” 

“I didn’t! It was all Joonmyeon!”

Lu Han rolls his eyes. “Suuuure, Joonmyeon’s fault.”

“It was! I invited him back to my room-“

“Well, shit. I wasn’t expecting that.” 

“ _Shut up_. Anyway, I-“

“It you invited him back to his room, how the hell did you two not fuck?”

“ _OH MY GOD LU HAN LET ME FINISH_ ,” Kris grits through his teeth, throwing a napkin at the blonde across from him.  Said blonde just rolls his eyes and reaches across the table to flick his middle finger against Kris’ forehead.  He seems satisfied as Kris hisses him pain.

“Fine, I’ll let you finish,” Lu Han smirks, picking up his cup of coffee and giving it a sip. 

So, Kris sighs wondering where to begin _this_ story.  It had started out fine, Kris inviting Joonmyeon to sit and have some lunch with him. The two had chatted over nothing, how classes were, friends, family, teachers, boyfriends (which thankfully Joonmyeon said he was single at the moment, and recently broke up with _his_ boyfriend), and just as Joonmyeon got up to leave, Kris had asked if he wanted to come over to Kris’ room the next night-  

“-to study,” Kris says, with a suggestive raise of his eyebrows, mentally congratulating himself on thinking of such a good excuse to be alone with Joonmyeon. Lu Han however, doesn’t share this thought and chokes on his coffee, some of it drooling down the side of his mouth.

“OH MY GOD, you actually didn’t say that, PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN’T SAY THAT.” 

The students are staring at them again.

Kris rolls his head back onto the chair and sighs (he seems to be doing a lot of sighing these days). “Yes, I actually used that. Isn’t studying a code word for sex?”

“Only in high school, dumbass. And besides, no one really falls for-“

“Well I thought Joonmyeon did alright! Shit…” Kris trails off, shaking his head, slowly realizing how stupid this made him sound. It was pretty fucking stupid.  He should have known by the way Joonmyeon had initially hesitated, eyes going wide, wondering if this was really happening.  Except it was, and Kris had patiently waited for an answer, worried that if he pressed further Joonmyeon would run away. But by the way the younger had stared at him, Kris was beginning to think that running away would be a better option than getting flat out rejected by the Student Body President.

Instead, Joonmyeon let out a “Uh…I-I…sure. Sounds good,” and quickly walked away without waiting for Kris to answer him.

Lu Han almost chokes on his coffee again. “YOU DIDN’T THINK THAT WAS WEIRD? Oh my God you scarred the poor boy, he’ll never talk to a man again. 

“Not necessarily…” Kris trails off, biting his lip.

Lu Han narrows his eyes. “What happened?” he asks suspiciously. Kris really doesn’t want to tell Lu Han, he _really_ doesn’t. But there really isn’t a way around it.

Especially when the boy they’re talking about begins laughing so loud Kris whips his head around and sees him with the other boy that Kris was trying to get into his pants and why is the one’s hand creeping up the other’s thigh and-

WHY IS KIM JOONMYEON TRYING TO UNDO ZHANG YIXING’S ZIPPER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CAFÉ?

By the way Lu Han starts laughing again, the reason should be obvious. But there Kris is, sitting with his mouth open, staring at the Student Body President literally trying to get into Yixing’s pants.

Wow. Kris did not see that one coming. 

But now that explains last night, when Kris had answered the knock in his dorm room door and saw a very nervous and fidgety Joonmyeon.

 

Joonmyeon: ( _playing with his shirt, eyes darting up and down Kris’ figure_ ) Kris I’m really sorry but I can’t do this, I like someone else and I didn’t know how to say now back at the café and I’m really sorry you’re a really nice guy and all but I can’t sleep with you not saying that you’re not attractive or anything because you are it’s just I really like this other guy and I don’t want to complicate things and I -

Kris: ( _wondering how the smaller is not passing out by lack of oxygen to his brain_ ) Uh…it’s fine…I guess…you don’t have…to, um…stay. 

Joonmyeon: ( _let’s out a huge breath, face squishing into that flawless smile_ ) Thanks so much Kris. I’m sorry to have bothered you. ( _slowly walks away from the door_ ) See you around!

Kris: ( _stands in doorway, face blank wondering what the fuck just happened_ )

“How can Kim Joonmyeon get some fucking action when I can’t.”

“Especially with the guy you couldn’t even fuck,” Lu Han adds, a twisted smirk appearing on his face.

Kris takes a sugar packet and chucks it at the elder’s head, satisfied with the hissing that comes from his mouth. “You knew about them and you didn’t tell me, did you?”

Lu Han daintily picks up his coffee. “Nope,” he says, lips emphasizing the ‘p’.

"Why would you put me through that?" Kris whines asks, face heating up as he sneaks a glane at the two in the corner, Yixing now whispering something in Joonmyeon's ear that's making him blush.

"'Cause it's fun watching you suffer."

“Fuck you, Lu Han.”

“Let me know how that works out for you.”

Kris mumbles incoherent curses under his breath, not in the mood to argue with the Spawn of Satan. Instead, be picks up the coffee Lu Han had gave him earlier and takes a drink, knowing that tonight was going to be very long.

Kris spews out the coffee. “LU HAN.”

Salt. Fucking salt.

The blonde begins laughing again, this time nearly falling out of his chair in the process. Most of the students around them begin packing up their things and leaving, not wanting to hear anymore of the blonde’s outbursts at almost 9PM. Kris gets up, knocking Lu Han upside the head before throwing the spoiled coffee away.

He looks over and sees Joonmyeon and Yixing staring at him. Well, Joonmyeon is staring, Yixing looks particularlly amused. Kris practically runs out of the café and decides not to go to classes the next day.

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

### Lu Han's Totally Full-Proof Plan to Definitely Get Kris Some Action...Maybe

 

 

“…. Okay, and then after you V, you add that to the formula next to I and then-“

“You’re actually doing that at a time like this?”

Kris slams his fingers on his keyboard. “Dammit, Lu Han, this report is due tomorrow-“ Eyes shift to the large clock on the wall of the café, “Scratch that it’s due this morning, so yes I’m doing this now.” He looks back at his computer before looking up again. “And fuck you.”

Lu Han snorts. “Not my fault you waited until the final hours to get your part finished.”

Kris flips him off before his fingers begin furiously typing. “Not my fault you’re set on finding me a fuck buddy.” Lu Han hums in response, feet tapping against the pole underneath the table. Kris can feel the vibrations against his fingertips, a slight tickling sensation hitting his hands. “Can you stop, I need to get this done.”

“But I’m _boooooored_ …” Lu Han whines back, head slumping over the table.

“Lu Han, it’s like 12:30 in the fucking morning. Let me finish these last two sections and then we can leave.”

“But I don’t wanna wait that _loooong_ …” he whines again, eyes looking at Kris, as if his begging will somehow make Kris work faster.  It doesn’t.

“Lu Han, I swear to God. If you don’t shut the fuck up, I will leave you here-“

“But Krriiiiiiis…” This time Lu Han leans across the table, big doe-eyes open wide and thin lips pouting that are glistening and wow did it get really hot in here all of a sudden-

 _Fuck it._ Kris throws his pencil down, closing his laptop and packing it away in his backpack while ignoring the surprise yelp from his companion. Kris hastily stands up, his chair screeching out from underneath him. He ignores Lu Han’s cussing and threats to crush his balls, because really, all he wants is to get the god damn lab report done and not deal with Lu Han’s lips.

_I mean shit. Not deal with his shit._

 

_____________________________________

 

 

“Kim Jongdae?”

“No.”

“What?”

“ _No._ ”

 “But he’s pretty good looking and has nice lips-“

“Doesn’t matter. He’s a whiner and you don’t want a whiner in bed. They’re annoying and needy and you barely can get an orgasm from them.”

Kris raises an eyebrow. “And how would you know that?”

“Sophomore year, end of the semester dorm party. Don’t remind me.” Lu Han visibly shutters from the memory and Kris decides to let that disaster be. Instead, he looks back down at the yearbook Lu Han had brought. It’s a year old, but most of the students from last year returned. It was the best shot Kris had at finding someone worth fucking. 

Lu Han is sitting next to him, a little _too_ close, concentrating on the pictures and faces of the students at the university. Every once in a while he will stop on a page, eyes focusing on a particular boy. More times than one he will shake his head and move on.

Other times his eyes will light up and shove the book in Kris’ face.

“Kim Minseok!”

Kris scoffs, eyes rolling at Lu Han’s childish antics. “I think I could do better than Minseok...”

“You’d be surprised how good he is in bed,” Lu Han responds, eyes twinkling mischievously.

Kris’ mouth hangs open, eyes widening in realization. “You slept with _Kim Minseok_?”

Lu Han raises an eyebrow in amusement. “Last semester, after the rivalry game…and a few times after that.” Kris’ mouth is still hanging open. “What? He’s got amazing stamina and likes to suck cock…“ Lu Han trails, eyes twinkling again, a sly smile appearing on his face. No doubt reminiscing on those nights spent together. Kris resists the urge to gag and quickly turns the page. His eyes scan the photo of the basketball team when he stops on one of the taller boys. 

“I would fuck Park Chanyeol,” he says, eyes trailing the younger’s tall body. Chanyeol is a year behind them, though he lives near Kris. He’s pretty cute, and looks fucking good in skinny jeans and white shirts. Kris could definitely fuck Park Chanyeol. 

Lu Han ruins Kris’ thoughts by scoffing, yet again. “Chanyeol is fucking that Baekhyun kid, so unless you’re up for a threesome, he’s out of your league.”

Kris frowns. “Baekhyun?” The name doesn’t sound familiar. Lu Han rolls his eyes and flips through the pages of the yearbook, quickly scanning until he’s found what he’s looking for. He turns the book towards Kris, pointing at a brown haired boy who’s wearing a ton of makeup and white jeans are hugging sinfully to his thighs and ass.

Wow. Kris would fuck him too. “You said he and Chanyeol are fucking? I could do them-“

“Wu Yifan you are not having a threesome your first time, so help me I will chop your dick off.”       

 _Well then._   

“Wouldn’t it help the experience? Like, might as well go for it-“    

“Those two are more than you can handle.”

Kris frowns again. “How so?”

“I’ll spare you the details, just know that Baekhyun is kinky as shit and Chanyeol is willing to bend him over anything at anytime. Especially if it involves roleplay and handcuffs and shit load of bruises.”

Kris tries to keep a straight face, but can’t help the flush of red across his nose and the growing tightness in his jeans as the imagines the two juniors getting it off like _that_. Lu Han unfortunately takes notice and smirks. “Well shit, didn’t think you’d be into that stuff.”

“I’m not!” Kris says too quickly, the flush deepening in color. Lu Han simply raises his eyebrows in amusement and nods his head, filing the information into the back of his head for a later time. Kris tries to stutter out protests, but Lu Han is having none of it, his smirk staying in place as his fingers go back to flipping through the yearbook pages.

“…Kyungsoo’s pretty cute…and his ass is heavenly,…but he looks like a whiner…” he says, referring to the dark haired boy with the largest eyes Kris has ever seen on a man. Lu Han flips the page, “Mmm…Jongin was a good fuck…but he’s too young for you so I’d stay away from him...” another page turns, “…well, there’s always that Kim- _oh._ ”

Kris, who was drumming his fingers on the table, looks up at Lu Han. “What?”

Lu Han doesn’t reply right away, instead he keeps looking down at the page he stopped on. He bites his lips, almost as if uncomfortable, and says “Oh Sehun.”

Kris frowns, and looks down where Lu Han is pointing. The picture is of a light haired boy, sharp jaw line and sad eyes, a small smile on his face. It’s the Korean kid that’s with Tao.  Kris narrows his eyes at Lu Han. “You’re suggesting I fuck this kid?”

Lu Han rolls his eyes. “No dipshit, I don’t preach cheating. That’s an asshole move. I’m just letting you know that his name’s Oh Sehun.”

Oh Sehun. So that makes _Tao and Sehun_. It doesn’t roll of the tongue like _Kris and Tao_ did. He and Tao were fucking Taoris, now it’s fucking… Setao… Taose… Taohun. Taohun, yeah that doesn’t work out-Kris mentally slaps himself. No thinking of Tao. None. No.

But really, after all of these failed attempts at moving on and finding someone else, all Kris really wants to do is run back to Taozi and hold the younger, just like old times. He just wants to kiss him and hug him and whisper into his ear… Maybe it’s not too late to beg for Tao to take him back…

“I may or may not have slept with him.”

Kris is brought out of his thoughts. He blinks a few times at the elder, not comprehending what he had just said.

Lu Han sighs, eyes rolling again. “Tao’s new boy toy. I may or may not have slept with him.”

Well that explains how Lu Han knew so much about the kid’s dick.

“Lu Han, is there anyone in this school you _haven’t_ fucked?” Kris asks. He just notices how judgmental he sounded and immediately regrets his outburst, afraid that the blonde across from him will find something hard to throw at him.

Instead, he gives a sly smile. “Well there is this one guy…” Lu Han trails off eyes fluttering down to his coffee cup. His fingers tap against the Styrofoam cup, and Kris watches as the blonde bites his lips in what appears to be…embarrassment? Kris frowns, not at Lu Han, but at himself. He feels somewhat hurt over this. It’s not like he should feel anything over the fact that Lu Han hasn’t fucked this one guy. Who Lu Han fucks is his own business. But by the way Lu Han is coyly playing with his coffee cup gives off the impression that Lu Han is _crushing_ on this guy.

And that’s what bothers Kris.

Though he most definitely isn’t _jealous_ , because that would be absolutely ridiculous, Kris doesn’t think of Lu Han in that way he thinks the other to be a whiney brat with evil intentions to drive Kris mad, and he’s pretty sure Lu Han hates Kris as well and they’re just lab partners how happen to meet for coffee everyday, most people do that, right? And talk about their sex lives which guys do all the time, so that makes Lu Han and Kris friends and nothing-

“Dipshit I’m leaving.”

Scratch that. Lu Han and Kris are most definitely not friends.

Kris sighs and looks up. “Same time tomorrow, then?”

Lu Han shakes his head. “A little later, I have to meet Yixing for something.” The sly smile is back on his lips. “See you then, _yeobo_.” Lu Han blows a kiss before scurrying out of the café, leaving Kris planted in his seat wondering what the fuck just happened.

 

________________________________

 

 

To: Spawn of Satan  
From: Kris  
Sent: 11:48 AM

**Hey, what did you get for #4 on the worksheet? I can’t get V, I think I’m doing the steps wrong.**

 

 

To: My Gay Lab Partner  
From: Lu Han  
Sent: 11:48 AM

**You’re actually doing it?**

 

 

 

To: Spawn of Satan  
From: Kris  
Sent: 11:49 AM

**No shit it’s due tomorrow. I’m already at the café can you meet me?**

           

 

To: My Gay Lab Partner  
From: Lu Han  
Sent: 11:49 AM

**Can’t I’m busy doing someone.**

 

 

To: Spawn of Satan  
From: Kris  
Sent: 11:51 AM

**Please tell me you mean something.**

 

 

To: My Gay Lab Partner  
From: Lu Han  
Sent: 11:51 AM

**Nope ;D**

 

To: Spawn of Satan  
From: Kris  
Sent: 11:52 AM

**Fuck you.**

 

 

To: My Gay Lab Partner  
From: Lu Han  
Sent: 11:53 AM

**Come over to my room and you can**

 

Kris drops his phone on the floor. _Shit._ He groans, praying that it didn’t break on its collision with the hardwood floor. Kris doesn't think he can take anymore of Lu Han's sexually frustrating outburts. He makes a mental note to kill elder, really this time, a slow and painful death involving soaking the blonde in coffee, and ducks his head under the table to retrieve his phone. Thankfully, it’s still in one piece- 

“…Hey Kris…”

_Oh FUCK._

The soft voice sends a wave of disbelief through Kris and he jolts in surprise, knocking his head against the table. “OW, FUCK,” he hisses, pulling his body out from under the table and cradling his head in his head and arms, a dull lull of pain still evident.

“Oh _shit_ , are you okay, _gege_?”

The stab to Kris’ heart momentarily relieves the pain in his head.

“Yeah, you just scared me…”

Tao lets out a small chuckle from behind Kris’ shoulder. “That’s new, usually you were the one scaring me…” His voice trails off, no doubt reminiscing on what used to be.  Kris can’t help but think back too, when Tao would be idly sitting in the café with his back turned to the door and Kris would sneak up behind him and wrap his long arms around the younger’s shoulders. Tao would let out a small shriek of surprise, Kris would laugh and nuzzle his nose into the younger’s neck-

It was really painful to think about.

“…How have you been?” Tao asks softly, an awkward air surrounding them both.

There’s no escaping it now.

Kris takes a deep breath and finally looks up at his ex boyfriend. The first thing Kris notices is Tao’s hair; it’s dyed red, bangs grown out. It looks nice, almost complimenting Tao’s pale skin. His eyes still have dark circles underneath them, a little detail that Kris secretly loved about Tao.

“…fine…” the elder lets out, barely above a whisper. Tao nods thoughtfully, a small smile forming on his lips. His eyes flick down to the empty chair across from Kris.

“Mind if I sit?”

A part of Kris tells him to tell Tao to nicely “fuck off.” The other part wants to tell the younger to forget talking and bend him over right then and there on the small table. 

Instead, he settles for a small “yes,” his voice cracking as he speaks.

Tao’s sad smile stay son his lips as he sinks into the chair opposite of Kris. “Were you waiting for someone? I don’t want to bother you if-“

“No I wasn’t waiting for anyone,” Kris replies, a bit too quickly. He mentally slaps himself for sounding so needy.

Tao cocks his head to the side. “Sorry, I just thought that you were expecting that Lu Han guy…”

What.

Kris must have a blank look on his face, because Tao replies, “You know, Lu Han? You two have been hanging out together for a while, I thought you two might be… _friends_.” By Tao’s tone of voice at the end of the sentence, Kris could tell what he meant by “friends”.

“O-oh no, we’re just lab partners, we actually hate each other,” Kris quickly says, almost as if he is convincing himself along with Tao. “He’s really annoying and kind of a dick, and just….just…” Kris tries to find the right word to describe Lu han, his sweaty hands rubbing against his legs, “…he’s…. _Lu Han_.” He was just Lu Han. That really summed it up.

Tao chuckles from his seat, amusement washing over his face at Kris’ lack of words. “He’s just Lu Han, huh?” Kris feels his face heat up. “Well, from what Sehun’s been telling me, it sounded like the two of you were closer than that." 

Kris frowns at the mention of Sehun. “You always listen to Sehun.” It came out more of a statement then questions. Tao catches Kris’ tone and smirks, a michivouse twinkle in his eye.

“Well, I tend to listen to my _friends._ I trust what they say.”

Oh.

_Oh._

Kris nearly falls to the floor. “W-wait, y-you’re just… _friends_?” Kris asks, mouth hanging open is disbelief. “B-but…you two were so… _touchy_.” All this fucking time he thought Tao and Sehun were fucking.

Tao shrugs. “I like skinship. You should know that better than anyone.”

 _Well shit._  

Kris has half a mind to jump for joy and thank whatever spiritual essence decided to cut him some slack. Only he remembers that he’s in a public area with his ex-boyfriend whom he now might have a chance to get back together with and embarrassing the poor boy definitely is a one-way ticket back to being single.

“So, you’re _not_ dating that Sehun kid?”

“No, Kris I’m not,” Tao says with a chuckle, not doubt laughing at Kris’ disbelief, “So please be nice to him, I actually like having friends.”

Kris is just about to get on his knees and beg Tao to take him back when he feels a vibration run through the table. He and Tao look towards Kris’ phone that’s sitting precariously on the edge of the table. Kris picks it up and frowns when he sees the message:

 

To: My Gay Lab Partner  
From: Lu Han  
12:03 PM

**I’ll meet you in 5 minutes.**

**Large soy latté, dash of cream, extra splenda, cinnamon, whipped cream.**

**Thank you, yeobo <3**

 

Kris _panics_. The last thing he needs right now is Lu Han showing up and ruining his reunion with Tao. He hurried types out “I just leav Ill meet u in library bye” before dropping his phone into his lap. He takes a deep breath, trying to regain his composure, before putting on his signature smirk.  “So…if you’re not dating that Sehun guy…” Kris puts his head into one hand, the other hand reaching out for Tao’s. “…I suppose that makes you available.”

Kris expects Tao to blush, maybe giggle. He also wouldn’t put it past the younger to reach over the table and pull Kris towards him by the neck.

What he doesn’t expect is Tao to frown, lips forming a pout, hand retracting from Kris’ grip. The younger sighs, eyes fall to his hands now resting in his lap. “Kris…I still care for you…I really do…”

A lump catches in Kris’ throat. “…There’s a but.”

Tao sighs again, “It’s over between us…two years is a long time for two people to be dating,” Tao pauses, still looking into his lap, “It was time for both of us to move on…date other people…”

“But I don’t _want_ other people, Taozi. I want _you_.” The lump in his throat grows bigger.

“Kris, by the end of our relationship, things were different. We rarely went out, and when we did everything felt forced-” 

“But we can change that! I can work on-“ Kris jumps when he feels a buzzing sensation on his thigh. He looks down, now remembering that his phone was placed in his lap, and sees a text message from Lu Han. Kris scoffs, not wanting to deal this Lu Han right now. Whatever he had sent was probably unimportant.

Ignoring the message, Kris looks back up to Tao. His heart stops when he sees the younger male begin to stand up. “Tao-“ 

“I’m sorry, Kris. I have to go.”

And with that, Tao walks away from the table.

 

 

 

 

 

“Dipshit, where’s my coffee?” Lu Han slides into the seat across from Kris, dropping a textbook filled with papers on the table. “I can’t really help you with magnetic forces if I don’t have caffeine…” he trails off, cocking his head to the side. “What the fuck happened to you?”

Kris doesn’t listen, choosing to keep staring at the table and keeping himself from fucking losing it.

A flick on the forehead brings him back. “ _OW_ ,” he hisses at the sting. Lu Han really needs to learn a new way to get his attention.

“You look like your dog died or some shit…”

Pretty close. His heart was ripped, shredded, and then rolled over by a bus. “It’s nothing,” Kris replies, hoping Lu Han would get the message and drop it 

He doesn’t. “It doesn’t look like ‘nothing’, spill it.”

“…I spoke to Tao…”

For some reason, Kris notes, Lu Han’s face falls. “Oh…you did…”

“Yeah…” 

The conversation pauses, neither knowing what to say to the other. 

“…What did he say?” Lu Han’s voice is so small that Kris nearly missed it.

“He said he still fucking cares about me but doesn’t want to get back together.” Kris’ tone is bitter, still sour from the confrontation. All he wants to do is forget everything that had just happened, but he knew there was no way he could get around Lu Han. Said blonde opens his mouth, but quickly closes it again, huffing and eyebrows crinkling in thought.

“And you still want him even after he dumped your ass.” It was a statement, not a question.

Kris narrows his eyes. “Why the fuck do you care if I still want Tao? It’s none of your business.” 

Lu Han rolls his eyes. “We are seriously not going back to the beginning of this whole ordeal-”

“Yes we are, because of you-“ 

“Oh because of _me_?”

“God _dammit_ Lu Han! I don’t want to talk to you right now-“ 

Lu Han narrows his eyes. “No, I want to hear what you have to say about me.”

Kris matches his gaze. “Because of you I feel like shit, probably worse than I would have felt if you had just left me alone, and now people probably think I’m a fucking whore like you for trying to get with so many others.” The two go silent for a moment, the tension between them making Kris feel uneasy.  “Why don’t you just find one of your fuck buddies, I’m sure it’s not that hard to find someone you’ll bend over for-”

The punch to his face is expected, but still startling. Lu Han’s fist against his cheek is surprising forceful for someone of Lu Han’s size, and sends Kris flying out of his seat onto the floor. The café goes silent, dozens of eyes now watching the two seniors in the corner. Lu Han’s face is bright red, small fists shaking with rage. Without another word, he packs all of his books and slings his backpack over his shoulder.

Before turning to the door, Lu Han looks down at Kris and says, “You know what, asshole, there’s one guy who I would never bend over for.”

“Oh really,” Kris responds, half paying attention. His focus is on the blood seeping from his lip.

“Yeah, actually,” Lu Han replies, an edge to his voice. His eyes narrow and his lips are pressed into a thin line. “You.”

Kris doesn’t have time to process the words before Lu Han storms out of the café. 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

### Kris' Plan That Doesn't Go Exactly As Imagined but Kind of Works Out Anyway

 

 

Fifty-three calculations, one rough draft, six chapters, and half of a lab report later, Kris has run out of things to do for the week.

He should be pleased with finishing all of his assignments early and not having to rush last minute to get it all done (as he normal does), yet his satisfaction is quickly wiped away when he notes that he has nothing now to keep his mind off of his (ex?) lab partner. 

Kris sighs as he drops his pencil onto his now completed calculus assignment, considering erasing all of his answers and doing them over just to keep himself busy. It’s only Tuesday morning, making today six days before any assignment of his is due, and four days since he has last spoken to Lu Han on Friday. He thanks whatever greater power gave his Physics professor the flu and a cancelled class yesterday. He doesn’t think he can talk to Lu Han yet. Or look at him. 

But come tomorrow he’s fucked.

“This fucking sucks,” Kris announces to no one in particular, though the two girls sitting at the table next to him turn their heads. One even gives him a flirty smile and lets out a very fake sounding giggle. Kris narrows his eyes, not in the mood for this shit.

 “Sorry, but vaginas aren’t my thing,” he practically growls back to the girl. She gapes in response, before flipping Kris off and turning back to her friend. Looks like he is pissing a lot of people off lately.

Kris grumbles to himself, thinking that now would be a good time to leave the café before he starts a fight with the next soul that looks at him. He’s just about to get up and leave when what looks like the biggest foam cup of coffee is set down in front of him. 

“Looks like you could use a pick me up,” Yixing says with a smile, settling himself across from Kris as if this was an everyday occurrence. 

Well this is unexpected.

Kris thought he scared Yixing away after their disaster of a date. So why is he buying him coffee? The only thing the two really have in common besides that date is Lu-

The elder eyes Yixing suspiciously. “What is this?”

Yixing peers down at the cup in front of Kris. “Um, I didn’t know what you would normally order, so I got you a regular-“

“No, I mean why are you buying me coffee?”

Yixing raises an eyebrow in amusement. “I can’t buy you coffee out of kindness of my heart?”

“Says the guy who laughed while I was felt up by a middle aged woman in a movie theater.”

Yixing chuckles, no doubt remembering. “Okay, so maybe it’s a bribe.” 

God dammit. “This is about Lu Han, isn’t it?” Kris frowns, knowing where this conversation is leading. His thoughts are confirmed when Yixing’s smile falls and changes into a look of annoyance. 

“He’s been in a mood ever since Friday and I need to get him off my ass-“ (whether the younger means that metaphorically or literally, Kris doesn’t know, and frankly is too scarred to ask) “-so I was hoping you could do something about it.”

“Why _me_?” Kris asks, even more baffled by Yixing. His confused expression lingers when Yixing rolls his eyes, as if the answer is obvious.

“You’re actually asking me that, Kris?”

He must be missing something because Kris has absolutely no idea what Yixing is trying to get at. Why, out of all of the people in this school, would Lu Han want to talk to _him_ , the asshole that practically announced to the student population that the former was a slut that slept around with whatever guy would bend him over.

Kris resists the urge to punch himself in the face as he thinks about it.

He’s brought back to the conversation when he feels something smack into this forehead. “ _Ouch_.” He swears right then and there to remove all sugar packets off the table before sitting down because this is getting fucking ridiculous.

“Kris, did you hear _anything_ I said?” Yixing demands, pouting because he’s being ignored. Kris mumbles some form of apology while rubbing his head. Yixing sighs, “I said, I’m asking you because Lu Han has the hots for you.”

Kris blinks. “What?” 

“He’s got the hots for you,” Yixing repeats, now sounding slightly amused.

“ ……I don’t think I-" 

“He wants to get in your pants.”

Kris is really thankful he chose to sit in a booth because he flails and nearly slides out of the seat.

He must not have heard correctly. This is Lu Han they’re talking about. Lu Han hates him. With a burning passion. He hates Kris more then he loves coffee. And that’s saying something. He’d rather skin Kris and use his bones to stir his large latté than look at him. Lu Han would probably rather take Physics for another semester than sleep with Kris.

Right? 

“Please tell me this is a bad joke,” Kris pleads, getting a little hysteric at the though of Lu Han wanting him in more ways than one.

Unfortunately Yixing shakes his head, a smirk forming on his lips. “Nope. He’s totally into you. I read his diary.”

Kris nearly slides out of the booth again.

“He actually keeps a fucking diary-“

“Well,” Yixing cuts in, “It’s not a diary, per say. He has to keep a journal or something for his English Language class. And I may have read it when he was getting extra bitchy in hopes I could find out why.”

“And he talked about me?”

Yixing nods. “A whole lot actually. Took me a while on google translate, but basically he went from thinking you were hot, to thinking you were an idiot, to something about you being a prude-“ Kris goans and Yixing chuckles, continuing, “And the last part I read was how he was frustrated that you weren’t picking up on his advances.”

Kris frowns, eyebrows creasing. “I would have never guessed he was hitting on me.”

Yixing shrugs. “He has a strange way of showing affection. He slaps my ass as a way of greeting every morning.”

Something about Lu Han’s obsession with Yixing’s ass sends a funny feeling through Kris and he doesn’t like it one bit. He opts for gulping down half of his coffee instead of saying something stupid, like how he wishes Lu Han would slap his ass.

He spills half of his coffee over himself as he chokes over his thoughts.

“This really needs to stop…” he grumbles, accepting some napkins Yixing offers to clean up his mess.

“Really the only way to stop is to talk to Lu Han,” Yixing says softly. He pauses, before collecting his belongings and sliding out of the booth. He offers Kris a small smile. “I know you really like him. It might be easier to tell him how you feel than feel sorry for yourself.”

The younger walks away and Kris curses him for being right.

 

 

___________________________________

 

 

Kris wonders how his life has gotten to this point because he feels fucking ridiculous right now. 

He started in his room, looking in the mirror attached to the back of the door to make sure he looked decent (clothes without wrinkles, hair not standing up in odd places, no blemishes to detect), then slowly opened the door and peered in the hallway, pleased to note that there was no one roaming the halls this late at night. He then took a deep breath closed his door, and began walking down the hall to room 134: Lu Han’s dorm. Kris passed the communal bathroom on his way down and took a quick detour to double check his appearance before returning to the hall. He momentarily paused a few doors later to wonder if he remembered to lock his room. He backtracked just to make sure, pleased to find that he did in fact lock the door on the way out. Huffing in approval, Kris then continued back down the hall, this time without any stops along the way. He eventually reached room 134, but didn’t knock right away, worried that he may have read Yixing’s message wrong and his and Lu Han’s room was a different number, so he took out his phone and read the message three times to confirm that room 134 was indeed Lu Han’s dorm.

The room that would have Lu Han in it.

The room were he’d be inside.

Lu Han would be in this room.

Lu Han.

And Kris turned on his heels and ran back to the bathroom because, holy fucking shit, he can’t do this.

Which lead him to his current state of pacing in the bathroom, going between thinking up excuses to get out of talking to Lu Han ever again and thinking up ways to beg Lu Han to forgive him for being a dickhead without completely humiliating himself.

_Hey Yixing on my way over to your room I was kidnapped by these aliens._  

_Lu Han we can’t be partners anymore I’m allergic to your hair dye-_

_Look motherfucker if you wanted to fuck me why didn’t you just-_

_I know I’m an asshole-_

_I miss you-_

Kris groans and wonders if attempting to drown himself in the toilets would end his misery or just make a big mess.

“Fuck you, Lu Han…” he grumbles, leaning against the wall.

“Fuck you, too.”

_Holy shit._  

Kris jumps three feet in the air, letting out a rather unmanly shriek of surprise as he spins to see Lu Han walking out of a stall. The older male scoffs before walking to the sink and washing his hands. Kris’ heart is pounding in his ears, his breathing picking up, his palms getting sweaty…he’d be shocked if he didn’t end up unconscious on the floor within the next minute.

Kris watches as Lu Han finishes washing up, hands quickly running through his blonde hair to keep its style. He keeps his eyes on his reflection, not even glancing to acknowledge Kris’ presence. It’s pretty obvious Lu Han is still beyond pissed off and Kris is the one that needs to make the first move.

If only he could remember how to speak.

So he comes out with, “Urgh-ur-I-uh-hi.”

“Hi,” Lu Han responds, tone laced with acid. He doesn’t make eye contact, choosing instead to smooth out the non-existent wrinkles on his shirt.

_Okay, so that went well._

Kris awkwardly shuffles on his feet, trying to form his next course of action. “L-listen um…I really….I m-mean…n-no I didn’t mean…oh fuck.” This isn’t getting him anywhere.

Lu Han scoffs. “You have _one thing_ to say to me Kris. Just one.” He turns to look Kris in the eye, waiting.

Yes, Kris just has one thing to say to Lu Han. He only needs to open his mouth and simply apologize, not that difficult to do, right?  It shouldn't be to difficult to say something along the lines of  "I'm sorry for being such a douchebag towards you," yet Kris finds his mouth getting dry and face sweating and wow did it get warm in here all of a sudden? because Lu Han keeps looking at him and it's actually kind of cute how his lips are pouting and his eyes are narrowed and his hips are cocked to one side and- 

"You could have told me."

Lu Han frowns. "Told you what?" he asks, confused. 

"That you wanted to...fuck me," Kris mumbles, awkwardly shuffling his feet and stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Lu Han scoffs again and rolls his eyes. "What are you, Kris, five?" He folds his arms across his chest. "I think we're both old enough to act maturely." 

Now Kris frowns. "Then why didn't you just talk to me and let me know?" 

" Because as you so gracefully pointed out, I fuck a lot of people-" 

"And you don't have a problem talking to them," Kris says slowley. "So what makes it so hard to ask me?"

And for the first time since Kris has known him, Lu Han's eyes go wide and his cheeks go red, gaze dropping to the floor in... _embarrassment?_

Kris watches, mouth opening and eyebrows raising. Lu Han has never been embarrassed. Ever. All the time the two spent with each other, Lu Han had always been cool and cocky and confident and nothing like how he is now, bashful and awkward. Kris tries to piece together what just happened in his head, mind trying to comprehend why Lu Han is bashful over talking to Kris about fucking. He's talked to and fucked countless other guys, some he probably never met before then, so why is Kris- 

Oh. 

_Oh_.

"You _like_ me!" Kris shrieks, falling back against the wall. His rather unmanly shriek of surprise and enlightenment makes Lu Han jump, nearly slipping on the somehow wet floor (Kris doesn't even want to guess why the floor is wet or what's on it) before catching himself against the sink.

"W-wa... of course I like you you idiot. Why else would I go through all this trouble-" he starts, but Kris interrupts, "No! You really like me, like, like..." Kris trails off, trying to find the right words to describe all the ways Lu Han had laughed at him, made fun of him, smiled at him..."You like me like I liked Tao."

"But you love Tao," Lu Han says quietly.  

"I did," Kris answers.

Both Kris and Lu Han become silent, staring at each other and filtering what Kris had just said. Kris guesses he kind of confessed that he doesn't love Tao anymore, but he didn't really confess he likes Lu Han...and Lu Han didn't confirm that he liked Kris either and now things are weird and uncomfortable and they are still in the middle of the Men's room. 

"Well this is now awkward," Kris mumbles, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment and peeking a glance at Lu Han. The elder male is still shuffling on his feet, biting his lip in thought. It's not three seconds later when Lu Han takes a deep breath, standing straight and eyes on Kris.

 “So what’re you gonna do about it?”

It may have been a gust of wind or the work of aliens or magic or some shit and neither knows who moves first, but really neither care because somehow Kris’ lips are on Lu Ha’s and the latter is pushing the former back into one of the stalls.

Kris had always thought himself too reluctant and reserved for public sex, but with the way Lu Han is furiously unbuttoning his shirt with one hand and unbuckling his belt with the other and all the sexual frustration that he's now realizing has been building up these past weeks, he’ll take his chances. 

Lu Han kisses fast and hard and tastes like oranges (Kris briefly wonders if Lu Han was snacking on one before their encounter), and Kris can’t seem to stop, lips beginning to swell and nose inhaling _Lu Han._ Said man growls in frustration, clawing Kris’ shirt in annoyance before sending both hands down to his belt, quickly unbuckling it and opening Kris’ button and pulling down his zipper. 

And Kris stiffens as Lu Han’s fingers brush past his hipbones, moving to pull down his pants. 

“W-wait-“ he breathes, attempting to get out of Lu Han’s hold. The blonde looks up, eyes blazing with anger and lust and _fuck_ he looks delectable right now, and hisses, “Don’t you dare go all prude on me now, Wu Yifan, I’m too fucking horny for your shit.”  

Kris gulps. “B-but…I’ve n-never done this and I’m n-not s-sure-“ 

“Then shut the fuck up and let me do all the work, then.” And then his pants are pooled at his ankles and Lu Han’s on his knees and all coherencies go out the window.

Lu Han's hand brushes past Kris' ankle, fingertips softly working their way up his calf to his thigh, wrapping around the skin and muscle. Lu Han dips his head to press a kiss where his fingers just were, lips mouthing their way to Kris' inner thigh and up, leaving Kris' knees weak and in threat of giving out just by feeling Lu Han's breath against his leg, fingers touching him. Lu Han continues to kiss up his leg until he reaches Kris' boxers, an embarrassingly bright orange pair that may or may not have been clean (Kris had half a mind to check which pile of clothes it had come from).  Lu Han looks up through his eyelashes and Kris can only nod to tell him it's alright.

Lu Han doesn't need anymore than that and Kris' boxers find their way to his ankles and Lu Han's tongue finds its way to his cock.

_ Oh. _

Kris let's out something between a cry and a spasm of air in his lungs when he feels something warm and wet flick the head of his dick. He's never been this exposed to someone before, never had anyone push him up against a wall or throw him around, and the thought of having Lu Han being the first he gets rough with sends a shock through his body, cock twitching and eager to be pleased by the tongue now running along his shaft.  

Kris has to keep his hands on the wall of the stall in fear of his knees giving out.

He can do nothing but stare as he watches the smaller male drag his tongue from the tip of his cock down to his balls, stopping momentarily to suck on one, before slowly mouthing his way back down.  Kris groans from the back of this throat and throws his head back against the wall; Lu Han's tongue felt _sinful._ He was beginning to regret not doing this earlier. 

Lu Han curls one of his hands at the base of his cock, pumping a few times before looking up at Kris. "You're bigger than I thought you'd be," he says casually, as if they were talking over their usual cup of coffee and not in a public bathroom stall having sex.  

Kris doesn't know if he should be offended or not. "T-thanks...I think..." he mumbles, trying to keep his voice as steady as possible, which is pretty difficult considering Lu Han lips are now wrapping around his tip, gently sucking and lapping at the beads of fluid leaking out. " _Shit_ ," Kris hisses through his teeth, hands scrambling against the wall to find some form of support. Lu Han must have taken notice of Kris' small battle with the hall, because he takes one of Kris' hands and threads his fingers through his hair. Kris looks down in confusion. 

Lu Han rolls his eyes before pulling off of his cock. "Pull my hair. 

"But that hurts like a bitch."

Lu Han gives Kris a knowing smirk. "That's the point," he says, before giving Kris a flirty wink and taking his cock in his mouth. Kris can't help but throw his head back again, this time a little too hard. He hisses at the throbbing pain in his head, but only for a second, as Lu Han takes this moment to bob his head and take Kris further into his mouth, and Kris can't help but tighten his grip and cry out in pleasure. 

Lewd slurps echo through the bathroom as Lu Han takes more and more of Kris' cock into his mouth, tongue tracing patterns on the underside, then licking back to the head to collect the pre-cum that's leaking from the tip. Lu Han sucks a bit harder, before pulling off.  "Pull harder," he whispers, ignoring Kris' whine of protest. Instead, he catches Kris' gaze, mischivous eyes twinkling before slowly undoing his jeans. Kris whines louder now, wanting Lu Han's mouth on him again with those eyes looking up through thick lashes, but the elder ignores him again, choosing to lick his hand and reach into _his own pants_. Lu Han lets out a strangled moan, eyes closing in pleasure and mouth hanging open. He slowly moves his wrists, hands covered by the material of his pants but Kris doesn't have to think to hard about what's going on and he somewhat wishes he could see Lu Han jerk himself off. 

Lips find their way back to Kris' cock and fingers wrap around the base and Lu Han begins to move at once, one fluid motion and Kris is on Cloud Nine, loving the way the blonde's mouth and hands feels on him. Kris' breath picks up, gasps and moans leaving his lips and he doesn't even _care_ that he's being loud. All he cares about is the pooling heat in his stomach that needs to be released. He looks down to tell Lu Han to go faster, but his words are lost.

_Fuck._  

Kris can't deny how fucking gorgeous Lu Han looks right now, one hand stuffed down his own pants, the other wrapped around Kris' base, goddamn lips stretched wide and red over his dick. Small beads of sweat roll of of his forehead, down his neck and into his shirt and now his hair is slightly damp but Kris can't seem to stop running his fingers through it, making it messy and oh so delicious to look at. "F-fuck," he groans as Lu Han sucks a little harder, tongue dragging just a bit rougher around his shaft. He hums and moans and Kris _feels_ it, sending waves of electricity up his spine that leaves him breathless.

If Kris new getting blown felt this good, he would have asked for Lu Han's expertise a _long_ time.

The heat in his stomach is getting hotter and tighter, tensing and pulling at Kris' sanity and he finds himself clawing at Lu Han's hair in desperation. "L-lu H-han, _fuck_ , m-more- _ah_ -" One of Kris' hands comes up to keep his mouth shut and preventing any embarraessing sounds from escaping. He swears he feels Lu Han scoff around his cock and he's about to make some form of comeback, but then Lu Han is taking the rest of Kris' dick in his mouth, working his way up until his nose is brushing against thin hair and Kris can feel his cock slide down Lu Han's throat, hot and warm and tight, and Lu Han swallows, humming again and sucking as hard as he can- 

And Kris is seeing fucking white as he screams into his hand, coming so hard in Lu Han's pretty mouth, he throws his head back against the wall in plea----------

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"You owe me a fucking orgasm, dipshit."

"Lu Han, I had to get seven fucking stiches. _Seven_."

"They call it mind blowing for a reason."

"I don't think getting a concussion when you come is normal."

_"_ I'm just that good."

"Fuck you."

"We'll discuss that tomorrow."

 

 

** End(?) **

 

 


End file.
